Still not finding the desire to go out shooting these days and I certainly cannot remember a spring where I have had so little ambition to photograph the spring color? This wonderful little friend of mine called depression has been gnawing at me the past two weeks again and has me in a very negative disposition concerning life in general. For me personally, it is a very isolating condition and I would rather sit alone in a room and try to get past negative thoughts on my own than to hear someone say they are thinking about me, because deep down I do not really believe there are too many people who really truly care one iota about my battles and to be quite honest, why should they? I am always amazed how I talk to some people who have incredible problems and they handle it with ease, but I struggle trying to just go day-to-day. Thank goodness I have not shot much lately, because every other post on here is me whining these days. On a positive note, this bicycle is part of a project I am working on and this is my first creation, which I was taking through my back yard and I decided to stop and take a shot with our flowering tree that was dropping pink blossoms. In the back are the arbor and shed details I made as well. The arbor has 12 foot 6×6 timbers and I still remember digging 4 ft holes and trying to lift the posts to drop them in the holes.
Well that sure doesn’t sound good. There are a lot of people very close to you who do know what depression feels like. It’s an invisible illness, but I continue to be impressed with your openness in this blog. You always do things to the max. Maybe part of you just wants to relax.
openness, frustration, who knows. something i have very little control over. Last month I had a couple weeks of seeing everything in a new light, then boom, back to reality.
We are here and we care! Stay chipper and I love your bright blue bicycle that leans prettily against a tree and a “pink” ground. Nice capture and do go out. The sun and spring weather will cheer you up.😊
Love love love the bike. I’m so grateful that you share your many talents.
Thank you. This is part of my upcoming rail trail display, which most likely is going to be my last major creation there.
Hello, I don’t know you but I love your work and I hope the world looks a little brighter to you today (and tomorrow). Thank you for being so open and honest about your current struggles.
Thank you. We have a lady who walks the trail by our place who has three Golden Retrievers.
Everyone has problems Don, some just hide them better. I remember being depressed at 9 and I’m more depressed than ever at 59. The world in our head is not the real world. Sometimes we can see that clearly and sometimes we’re too busy with our thoughts of misery and self pity.
On a side note I met Larry in the city recently and asked about you. People you don’t even know do care.
I realize our minds may not always let us see the truth but I have experienced incredible normalcy and happiness for two weeks and then real sadness right after and to see how one person can have both just solidifies my feeling that for me, it is not just mind over matter. No matter how hard I may try to just think positive, there is this constant weight on my mind. I am not a self pity guy, with me its more like a feeling of just wanting to scream with frustration. I don’t like being felt sorry for either, and when someone says they are thinking about me, I really don’t believe it anymore than maybe they are just glad they are not me. Wish I could have the perspective you have but I am different I guess.
And here is a perfect example of other people seeming to have a grip when they’re really a mess. I have a brand new car my brother lent me money for and there’s a good chance I’m going to stay in bed all day, and its beautiful outside. My perspective is from decades of drug and alcohol abuse and it doesn’t help me feel any better, it just shows me I’m doing the same thing over and over. There are no simple answers, except maybe to expose to the right and I’m really not a fan of that.
Wow ! Whole lot of “stinkin thinkin” going on there-in your head ! We care cause we care ! nothing you can do or say will change that, so just learn to deal w/ it… luv the bike ,how you gonna secure it ? Tks for the sneak preview. I look forward to see what you do for 4th July, cause I know you will !!
I can be the king of negative thinking for sure. I plan to drive a metal rod in the ground and attach the bike to that. Maybe I will launch myself into outer space on the 4th.
I love the bicycle! Your colors are inspiring to me and always make me feel happier when I see your photos. I’m still hoping to see that rail trail display one day!
Here is a secret. that bike is part of my last real new display on the trail this coming weekend. I am getting older and burning out from depression issues, so my enthusiasm is waning somewhat.
Seems that you and I have some of the same problem. There are times that I just don’t want to go “out there”. There are other times that I do. Taking a trip to Gettysburg last week was one of them. Tomorrow will be another. Up into Coal Country to see what I’ve never seen. Hang in the kid, better day’s are comin’
yes it sounds like it. I try to tell myself it will eventually pass but sometimes it feels like why bother trying. have fun in coal country. My in-laws are from up there and whenever I would go along to visit, I was always glad to come home. just a depressing region. Jim Thorpe is nice though.
Thank you for your openness and sharing your pain. Your creativity displayed through your beautiful photos and Gibbles McGibbles village give me and our community so much joy. You are in my prayers and thoughts.
Thank you very much.
Very pretty! It brightens up your garden!
it certainly does
Beautiful capture! I so can’t wait to see this. Your creativity is such magic, even if it’s not feeling like it. Hang in there.
Dear Mr. Reese, I have missed you! I have been away for a long time now because of the same battle you are addressing with openness. I am still recovering from a brain injury from car accident that sorta magnified my depression. YOUR work has been so inspirational and this whole time I have been away from your photo’s – I have not picked up a paint brush. I understand what you are going through. It will pass. My husband has multiple sclerosis and depression is also a real thing he has to go through periodically as well. Depression cannot be “snapped out of” no different than someone can assume multiple sclerosis or other illnesses can be “snapped out of”. I hate it when I get it this way – but it is what it is. I work very hard at simply riding this wave until it is over and then anticipate the next wave I catch will bring me a great ride. (I spent 20-years in Hawaii hence the metaphor). I am sincere when I say I have truly missed YOU. Now I know why I am attracted to your work – it is because you are a true artist and most artist do wear their heart on their sleeve and are vulnerable , and misunderstood. Yet – WOW…what would the world be without them? Eye’s cannot go hardly anywhere without the impact artist have on the world. By the way – as usual, lovely photo. I love bikes, just got my motorcycle endorsement after wanting one for over 40 years and the love of bikes all started right from a bike like your photograph from years gone by. The next time you see a 60-year-old woman on a Harley, I hope you remember my comment that she might be me – riding the NEXT happy wave! You too…you have many good waves ahead of you.
thank you Sharon. I know someone who had brain trauma from an accident and now suffers from constant migraines. she has been through every attempt to get relief including being put in a coma to reset her brain. it worked for a while. She told me she has some related problem that they say most commit suicide within a year because of relentless pain. Not sure i could handle that.
Well that’s a lovely, lovely picture! I’m so sorry that you’re having such a tough time. I do understand, I’ve been battling that particular battle for a long time and it takes a lot to come out the other side. So, sending you big hugs and hope tomorrow is a bright and happy day for you. Katie x
Thank you Katie. I read a bunch of your posts and my goodness you sound like my twin with this depression roller coaster.
That’s exactly what it is isn’t it! I had a blip a couple of weeks ago, then managed to sort myself out but am wobbly right now … grrrr! Hope you’re ok. Katie
same to you. I wish I could figure it out. I had three concussions when i was little and always thought my personality changed after them but the condition runs in my family for some reason. Only tried one med that was great but it was too costly to keep up.
Oh I’m sorry to hear that … Presumably you’re not in the U.K. then where medication tends to be all one price for a prescription. That’s frustrating for sure. Big hugs. Katie x
No, but that is interesting. the one i could not afford was around 2 grand a year. thats depressing all by itself.
Wowza … that’s outrageous. I’m so sorry to hear this … sadly sending you no medication, but masses of hugs. X
That will have to do. My current medicine is somewhat helpful but I will tell you about a month ago I had a good solid two weeks where all of a sudden I was telling my wife I loved her each day, etc etc and it all came without effort, then it went away again. it was a very insightful episode of seeing what I want to be like without forcing anything and then poof I am back to square one. just wish I knew what key thing made me so wonderful for those two weeks?
How interesting … I wonder what both brought it on and drew it to a stop. Was there anything different with the basic stuff at all in what you were doing, thinking, eating, drinking, being more inside or outside??? Anything that you can replicate to bring it back again?? Katie
Oh how I wish. the part that struck me the most is how I was a new person without effort. Started praying out loud at meals-never did that ever, was listening to motivational speakers, being thankful, then all gone again. No matter how much you wish it, if your brain controls your motivation, you do not follow through because you don’t feel the desire.
You’re right there … my brain definitely controls my motivation. It’s why when I was at my lowest I had to start introducing some really basic routines of getting up and eating and stuff (really simple stuff I’m afraid). Habits control me so I try to make good ones to overcome the bad I guess. Well, I hope you can find that place that you were at or even replicate it as it sounds really positive and good. Keep me posted. Katie
wish you the best as well.