One Beautiful Night

I am still riding the depression train these days and unfortunately my medicine just seems to numb not only the negative thoughts, but most things I enjoy as well. I actually thought long and hard about bothering to go out looking for snow scenes after this recent storm and I must have looked out our windows at least half a dozen times trying to convince myself to make an effort. The best way to explain how I feel most days is with two words, who cares? That is not to say no one cares about me but instead how my mind interprets and processes things and its more of an internal dialog. Photography has been possibly one of my most rewarding endeavors and something that I view as a positive contribution to this world, no matter how small.My sense of worth is directly linked to my creative ability and when depression or the effects of medicine to deal with it dulls that down, it seems to fuel the fire so to speak.

I have read about a number of famous people including the lead singer of a band I like who have committed suicide just when their families say they seemed on top of the world? I can say I completely understand what they went through and their decisions are not real shocking to me. The brain is very complex and I have seen myself at my unbelievable best for a short time when I started my meds, and now its just this kind of day-to-day existence of trying to manage the weight of the world pushing down.

So if you bothered to read the above ramblings, let me now tell you about the photo. It was exactly 10 pm that I finally decided I was going to go out so I headed to a local town to look around. I found several shots in town and the next time I looked at my watch it was midnight and I was amazed how time flew by. I then got in my truck to head home and on the way got sidetracked by stopping at the above location. When I pulled in I knew there was potential and so the search for a great angle began, and this was complicated by a bright white light on the building on the right. I chose my angle carefully to use one of the lamp posts to act as a shield from the obnoxious light. The last thing I did was position my truck in the parking lot so I could turn my light bar on to help balance the high contrast scene. This storm was one of the clingiest I think I may have ever seen and even when the wind picked up,it still stayed put better than most times. I wish I could get back to more frequent posting but enjoy this beauty for now. One last thing, it was almost 2:30 am till I left for home and I am still tired.

 

 

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38 responses to “One Beautiful Night

  1. I completely understand what you are going through. You describe it to a T. I struggled with depression for many years until I got the right meds and lots of counciling .I give a lot of credit to God for answered prayers. Please don’t give up, it WILL get better. I have been doing great for many years but will always remember the HELL I went through. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy ( I really don’t have any but I’m sure you understand) My prayers will be with you.

    • Appreciate your labor of love to exit a warm home & forfeiting sleep to capture this beauty to share with us. Please keep the faith & persevere. We are cheering for you.

      • Thanks Lucy, it was beautiful but my sense of awe is not what it once was with my situation. I love being out there in the elements when it seems the rest of the world is asleep.

  2. I’ve gone through the med switch runaround many times and for the most part one is worse than the next. If you still feel like crap maybe consider getting off whatever you’re on now. How much worse can you feel? The depression train can be seductive but you can get off anytime.

    Great photo as usual.

  3. Awesome ! Beautiful ! Thank you for pushing thru and getting this shot for us. As I looked out windows during Sun. nite, along the tree lined rail trail especially, you were in my thoughts & was hoping, praying you were out and about, feeling well enough to bring some beauty to us again…..

  4. Thank you for dragging yourself out to take pictures!
    There is not much in this world more beautiful than fresh snow!
    Hang onto hope!! This song came to mind…

    Turn your eyes upon Jesus
    Look full in His wonderful face
    And the things of earth
    will grow strangely dim
    In the light of His glory and grace.

  5. To us, who appreciate you, your life and your passion for beautiful photos, I must say this picture is worth the time you spent capturing it many times over.    I sure hope one day your meds will help you feel like living your passion.  Again, this photo is beautiful!  Linda

  6. Don, your art never ceases to amaze me. You truly have a gift. I know many days may not feel like you are making a difference but you are. I think you were put on this earth to share photos with others to remind us of how beautiful the world really is. I’m grateful for your willingness to share those moments of beauty. I’m sorry your suffering right now Do not be hard on yourself. If you ever need anything I’m right around the corner.

  7. I wanted to let you know you are very talented, and I always enjoy your photos as I know many people do. Thank you for sharing them with us!

  8. Beautiful picture Don of a place dear to my heart. Hang in there buddy and keep pushing and working on your photos. We are in there with you and hoping for your recovery as soon as possible. Spring will soon be here and everything will look a lot brighter. Thank you for this lovely photo.

  9. Beautiful!! just amazing, thank you for sharing your talent, Prayers are with you that you feel better soon God cares and so do we

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  10. Beautiful scene! Looks straight out of Narnia!
    I was just thinking of you this morning before I got your latest post in my inbox…. I read this article and thought of you:

    https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/staying-awake-surprisingly-effective-way-treat-depression#1

    (you may have to copy & paste that into your browser)
    Donald, this seems revolutionary to me!! I hope you will take the time to read it in its entirety. I had never heard of this approach to depression, have you? It appears they are using it in other countries with great success, but the US has been slow to pick it up, not surprisingly. Please look into it.
    I’m praying for you and your family.

  11. Hi Donald, I also can relate to your comment about your self-worth being linked to your creative ability. But I have also learned that when my paintings go ‘bad’, my value should not ‘follow suit’. My value needs to be in something unchangable, which is God. Lately I haven’t been proud of my paintings – but, praise God that I’m still learning to see my worth. You also have unwavering worth. I pray that you realize this.
    Sincerely,
    Deb Smith

    • Thanks Deb. I constantly devalue or minimize my accomplishments and I am often surprised at what others think of me compared to how I see myself. I always said if 99 people love an image of mine and just one says its not much to look at, I will dwell on the one and forget the 99.

  12. Very nice Image there Don. Yha know, I seem to have the same problem as you, at times. Just don’t want to get myself going and get “out there” for some creative Images. The wet snow we had made for some great captures, but I just did not want to brave the darn cold. Was thinking of doing some Light Painting using one of the strong flash lights that I have. Don’t know much about doing that, but was just thinking of it. You try and stay well there.

    • Good to know I have company. light painting is really simple, but having a few tools makes the process much easier. the problem doing it without a tablet is you have to walk back to the camera to look if you added too much light or not enough and that can get exhaustive.

  13. Don, I am so glad you chose to go out on a cold snowy night, that is the most beautiful pictures,,you really should frame it and maybe make copies for sale, it is terrific.. hang in there and maybe get another kind of med,,, sometimes it takes a few different ones until you get the best results,,,, your family needs the happy you back, so be patient,it all takes some time. P.S. lots of people care!!! R

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